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Yeesh.  For the last two weeks, I've felt as if I'm spinning my wheels and making no progress on anything.

I've felt that way because...it's true.  Many projects need my attention, and they are not always the projects to which I'd like to give my attention.  The result has been so much swinging between what-needs-doing and would-rather-do, very little forward motion was made on anything.  Then I'd feel guilty the required work wasn't any closer to being finished, and frustrated I wasn't any closer to doing what I want to do.  Then I'd avoid all of it by cleaning the baseboards or some such.  Then...

Then I just had enough of it.

My to-do list has been revamped, in detail, to include each step of the process.  What was formally "Finish 'stress' book" is now a twenty-point entry.  I got two of those points finished today, thank goodness.  One of those tasks was to streamline the outline.  This isn't intended to be a definitive look at all aspects, causes, outcomes, impacts, interventions, and opinions, so I need to keep my focus.  I don't have to include everything, address every possible question, and mention every point of research.  And it's those sorts of things that bog me down when I'm putting non-fiction together.

I'm already feeling better, and doing my best to let go of the sense I'm falling behind because I'm not doing everything at once.

And as a friend pointed out, this is a rough time of year.  It was in the late winter/early spring months of 2011 that we came to understand Dev's father's diagnosis, and when we all moved into my parents' home for hospice.  Dev and I are working extra hard to be consciously kind to each other, and to take a little extra time for hugs, playing with puppies, and remembering good things.  Maybe I'll say more about that later.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
aanna_t
Mar. 27th, 2012 10:15 pm (UTC)
Isn't a list such a freeing thing? I've seen that feeling of shapeless dread disappear with a simple to do list.

Hugs and encouragement.
blairmacg
Mar. 29th, 2012 01:32 am (UTC)
I also had to let go of the fact that not a single project before me can be completed right away, no matter how badly I want to have *accomplished* completion. And I made the decision to let a very nifty opportunity pass me by, because it required so much time and energy, every other thing would be put on hold for months, if not a full year.

Though I hated to let it go, I felt better making the decision.
sartorias
Mar. 27th, 2012 10:53 pm (UTC)
Remembering good things and being kind: always excellent.
blairmacg
Mar. 29th, 2012 01:37 am (UTC)
Absolutely. My boy is making a conscious effort to keep talking about how he feels rather than brood in silence. (I told him years ago that many teenagers stop talking to their parents, and I hoped we'd keep talking. He reminds me of that often, pointing out he wants to be different.) And I'm making an effort to talk rather than put on a brave face all the time.

thanate
Mar. 28th, 2012 08:26 pm (UTC)
I need to make one of those lists for me. Or maybe just start adding things as I can cross them off, so that I remember I've done things.
blairmacg
Mar. 29th, 2012 01:38 am (UTC)
If I add anything else to my list, my head would explode. ;-)
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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