?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

You’ll not be surprised, my darlings, to hear me admit a few things trigger me to rant on and on. You’ve seen this before, yes? Well, this time it’s the notion that a writer who says they haven’t time to write in truth doesn’t really want to write.

I don’t want to call out specific folks because the call-out doesn’t matter. Besides, some folks won’t understand the circumstances unless and until they find themselves hip-deep in them. But I do want to offer perspective to those who—right this moment, or in the past, or in the future—read those sorts of comments and opt to take them as truth. It’s for those who, already under stress, take the tossed-off judgment of those they admire as an accurate assessment of their own skill and determination.

ClearCamaraFeb2013 112

It’s for the person I was just a few years ago.

So.

Last summer, I sat on a panel at 4th Street focused on wellness for writers. I mentioned the idea that “real” writers write through pain, through dire life events, through depression and more, and answered it with, “That’s kinda bullshit.”

It’s actually real bullshit.

But I didn’t always think that way.

***

In my early twenties, I worked a fulltime office job by day and worked theater rehearsals and performances every night. I dragged a three-ring binder around wherever I went—scribbling out a few hundred words every day by investing my lunch hour and dinner hour in my stories. Two decades later, my acting buddies still recall how I huddled backstage, stealing a sliver of stage lights that spilled through the sets, to write a paragraph or two between my scenes.

Man, I was so busy! All I had was a lunch hour no one interrupted, time backstage when no one interrupted, and most of my weekends with nothing to do but domestic chores. So busy!

Then I had a child. My husband started a business while also working nights in a different city, so the care and feeding of another lifeform was pretty much my sole responsibility. Even when the business succeeded well enough for my husband to leave the night work behind, he was gone most of our son’s waking hours for the years of his young childhood.

Man, I was so busy! All I had (once we got past infanthood) were early evenings when my son was asleep, and the six hours a week I could afford to pay for a sitter who’d watch my son while I wrote. Unlike my pre-child years, I had not only inside-the-house domestic chores, but home maintenance chores, and evening karate teaching as well. Even though my husband did, frankly, more than his share, I still had more to do than before I had family commitments.

Then the business tanked, my husband broke his sobriety, and we lost our home. My son and I ended up living first with my parents, then on our own in a tiny refurbished Amish home on a farm owned by friends. Then the economy crashed, and I couldn’t even get a job at a fast food restaurant. Really, truly. When you’re fifty miles from a city, job prospects are few. So I learned to drive a tractor, to harvest and sell vegetables, to barter with my neighbors, and survive winters with the thermostat set at 52 degrees and months when the food budget for my son and I was under $150.

Man, was I busy! I took care of a 130+ acres’ worth of farm chores by day, and taught karate by night. But I still had household responsibilities as well, not to mention my son’s schooling and extracurricular activities, and the extra time involved in working with my husband (we never divorced) for visitation. All I had was the time after about nine at night, after a day of physical labor and intellectual work (I was homeschooling my son, remember), knowing for more than half the year I’d have to be up by dawn.

I didn’t write much.

Then my husband suffered two heart attacks back to back, and was soon diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and given four to six months to live.

Man.

Was I busy.

I didn’t write.

***

The next time someone tells you “everyone” can find time to write if they really, really want to, understand they’re using the wrong pronoun to express their personal truth. Understand, too, more than one person will read this and form a rebuttal with, “I didn’t mean that!

But you and I, my darlings, we both know how we might hear judgments when already under stress and feeling isolated. When already knowing our creative selves must wait weeks or months or years for attention, and when we can’t control how long that wait must be. Yes, yes, there is a portion of the seeking-writerly-advice audience who will suddenly become motivated by the realization they have hours a day they could spend writing. They tend to be more visible and vocal because, well, they have the time to be.

Those who don’t have time? That’s who I’m talking to right now—the folks I wish I’d had the time to talk with and hear from when I was fairly certain I’d never be a “real” writer because I couldn’t manage to write much in the sixteenth hour of my eighteen-plus hour day.

So take a breath, give yourself a break, and know most people who have not-writing commitments and challenges have all taken breaks–voluntarily or not–from story creation.  That’s not only normal, it’s healthy.

“I don’t have time” is not an excuse, my darlings. Quite often, it’s real life.

#SFWApro

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
sartorias
Aug. 11th, 2016 08:20 pm (UTC)
*clapping hard* well said.

Also: non writers might not realize that in a life like that, even if a half hour does show up, the brain is so stressed out that the ideas won't come, and the last thing a writer needs is to be punishing themselves for not doing it in that sliver of time.
blairmacg
Aug. 11th, 2016 08:59 pm (UTC)
Exactly so.

There were times I could use those small slivers well--times when the constraints on my time didn't demand as much mental engagement, and I could keep the story rolling in my head regardless. But as those demands became emotion-based rather than task-based, that ability decreased immensely.
sartorias
Aug. 11th, 2016 09:01 pm (UTC)
Yup!
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
blairmacg
Aug. 12th, 2016 04:33 pm (UTC)
Really good points, all.

I ended up writing more non-fiction pieces for much those same reasons.
queenoftheskies
Aug. 11th, 2016 11:18 pm (UTC)
People don't realize that some people have more responsibilities and commitments than others...and also have no help except themselves.

They proclaim everyone should do it like they do because they're privileged and have support and don't realize what it's like to be isolated and along and struggling.
blairmacg
Aug. 12th, 2016 04:42 pm (UTC)
Yes, this, indeed-y. I used to be one of those folks because I lacked the life experience myself, and was young enough I couldn't put myself in those shoes.

These days, I see every little thing that, in the past, gave me time and emotional reserves to write at any time... mostly because I lost them all at one point or another!
scallywag195
Aug. 14th, 2016 06:43 am (UTC)

I enjoyed this entry of yours. I was one of those people who come home from VP completely ready to write and edit three works in progress. I had so much high hope on what I would accomplish when I got home. I wrote lots and lots of words last November and felt so satisfied.

Early December my husband and I went on vacation and came back in time to have my mother with us for 3 weeks during Christmas. During her visit it became obvious she needed a lot more help than she was getting at home. The upshot was I travelled to Calif in early Feb for a week to talk to my sisters about having her move in with me. I had to extend my stay because she had a stroke the day I arrived and died 9 days later.

At that point my job just started. I'm the trustee of her estate and have put hours and hours and hours into handling her affairs. When I've had reprieves here and there, I've been too emotionally exhausted to write. It's really difficult to write with empathy when the writer herself is overworked and grief stricken.

This isn't going to last forever and in another 6 months or a year I'll be done, but if I had someone telling me I could find time to write right now I'd just feel incredibly sad.

blairmacg
Aug. 15th, 2016 12:13 am (UTC)
Oh, I just want to hug you with empathy, if not with arms, right now. I hear the echoes of my own experience in yours, and send my condolences.

Writing stories is an emotional experience, and when we're deep in difficult emotions, writing can actually be *painful.* Yes, the formal parts will be done in six to twelve months, but do then give yourself the time and kindness to find your way back. Once I accepted that grief is sneaky, unpredictable, and SO non-linear, the bumps and pitfalls became less stressful to manage.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

FeatherFlow
blairmacg
Blair MacGregor
Website

Latest Month

May 2017
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031   

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Lilia Ahner